God STILL Speaks, He STILL Moves, He STILL Heals!

GOD SPEAKS!

I've really been focusing on listening, I mean LISTENING to God lately. I hear over and over and over and over that God doesn't speak to us anymore like he did in the bible. My question is this, who says? Our God is the God of Abraham, Jacob, and Isaac, the same God that spoke to Paul and blinded him, the same God that tells us in the Old Testemant that he never changes. So if he hasn't changed, but he doesn't speak to us like that anymore, then maybe it's us that has changed. What's that mean? That means it's time for a change of heart on our part! It's something I've really been seeking, and seriously, I found my answer because he spoke to me. SPOKE! to me. Here's my story.

You all know that I send out a daily bible verse via. text message. Sometimes I know that there's something going on in one of your lives and I know there's a verse for that so I look for it, find it, and send it. Sometimes I have no idea what to send. Yesterday (May 12, 2009) was one of those days. I sat down on my break at work to find the verse to send later that day and something kept saying over and over in my brain "Book of Jeremiah." I didn't listen, I opened to Lamentations and found my self very board. Once again I heard "Jeremiah!" so I said, "Ok, Jeremiah it is." That's when I found the verse I texted you all yesterday (Jeremiah 1:7). I don't know if any of you have been reading something and there's just something that almost looks like it's in bold font when nothing else is and you just know it's God, but this is what happened. See, lately I've been praying for God to show me what he's trying to tell me while I read the bible. He did!

I read that verse and it jumped off the page at me and instantly I heard this in my head "You are not too young in faith (something I have been struggling with and why I have been pushing that call to more aside). I will be with you. You will learn and you will teach." I answered back "Ok! How?" The reply came instantly "Seminary!" Again I said "Ok!" and that was that. Needless to say I'm going to go to seminary. I'm going to talk to some people (Eric for sure, hopefully Allen) to find out about the different schools and go!

The point is that God spoke. He SPOKE! This wasn't me thinking things, people. This was a very clear thought with no decerning voice(because if you're like me, when you have that inner dialogue you hear your own voice), but very clear words. And when I answered it was my words and my voice that came through in question. I was floored and terrified all at the same time, but despite the terrified feeling there was a very calming, very peacful feeling as well. It truly was/is life changing!

GOD MOVES

God wasn't done with me just yet. Yesterday it was a conversation with him, today it was him showing me that when I let him fully in, when I completely surrender to him and say "ok!" when he says "Go!" that he will touch my heart, move it, and begin to heal it.

I called my mom to tell her that God spoke to me, told me to go into the ministry, and I said yes. Instantly my mom started telling me I needed to pray harder about it to make sure it was him then procede in telling me all the negative aspects of being a preacher. No matter how many times I told her I know all this and I'm ready for it (It's a whole other story, but God has already started to place me in some of those positions such as counseling) she downplayed it. I love my mom, but she has always done this and it has always left me feeling like she has no faith in me and that she has no faith because she knows I'm a loser and won't succede. I know that's a lie from the Enemy, but I stll couldn't shake it. I tried to walk my dog to calm down, it didn't work.

By the time I got back to my apartment I was fuming! I started praying in a way I never have before. This wasn't some wussy "God, please take my anger" prayer, this was me being straight pissed and taking it to God. I started pacing back and forth, voice raised, crying out to God. Next thing I know I prayed for something (sorry folks, it's a personal prayer for my family so I won't be putting that here), something I've thought of before but never put too much into, but God had other plans. He was waiting for me to go there and when he did he dumped his spirit on me and I broke and suddenly I was weeping. God didn't tell me what to do to fix the problem, instead I heard very distincly, "Keep going deeper!" and I did. The deeper I went the more bonds I felt shattering and my weeping turned to joyfull laughter.

I'm still waiting for God to show me how to rectify some of what I was asking, but I know a lot of that was revealed to me and now he's able to heal me.

Also, just a little FYI, I NEVER cry. It takes A LOT to bring out extreme emotions in me, and I definitely don't do it when I'm alone. It was one of the oddest, scariest, and most amazing feelings I've ever felt. My dog just sat there cocking her head from side to side looking at me like I was crazy. It was a great day! I'm so excited to see what God is going to keep putting before me and I'm so excited to keep saying "Ok!" when he says "Follow me!"